Thingamiggies of Love and Weirdness
by Master Fedora
Summary: Uh...I'm a strange strange person. This is a Abu/Iago slash fic...uh don't worry I made them human. Actually maybe you should still worry. >_
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Aladdin or its characters...thank the Higher Powers that I don't.  
  
Warning: I've watched Aladdin and the King of Thieves four thousand times in the last few days. I'm sleep  
deprived, bored, wired on sugar and in a weird twisted mood. When this happens I write bizarre things that   
should not be written. Iago...Abu...slash. Don't like? Well then you're more normal then I am.  
  
Note: I am actually a very funny person but I'm not Robin Williams. I've never even hoped to achieve the   
level of Robin Williams. Ergo, I'm getting rid of the Genie real fast.  
  
******  
It had been your typical adventure. Get the mysterious magical thingamajiggy before the mean nasty bad   
people get it. Simple right? Right. So we'll skip straight to the part where they're looking at the mysterious   
magical thingamajiggy in the palace.  
  
Aladdin looked at the thing with confusion, "So what exactly is this thing supposed to do?"  
  
Jasmine studied it, "There's an inscription."  
  
"Oooh...", Genie quickly changed into Indiana Jones and put a magnifying glass up to the thingamajiggy,   
"This thingamajiggy is quite a find and might be cursed." A huge boulder came chasing him away before he   
could read anything.  
  
Iago flinched, "Cursed? Is he serious?"  
  
Abu squeaked something and Aladdin nodded, "We should read the inscription to find out what this is   
about...or for. 'Become another but stay the same and there your fate does lie. But be but warned to   
squander this, your love will surely..."  
  
Jasmine looked at him, "Surely what?"  
  
Aladdin frowned, "I don't know. It's scratched out."  
  
Iago shrugged, "Who cares? It's made out of gold, why don't we just melt it down and..."  
  
Aladdin glared at him, "Don't be ridiculous. It's extremely powerful; we can't just melt it down. This   
inscription is important."  
  
Genie had appeared back again, "Hmmm...let me see that. Well typically things like this tend to rhyme. So   
what rhymes with lie? Bye, guy, high, my, nigh, pie...mmmm pie."  
  
Iago snorted, "Your love will surely pie? Yeah that's it."  
  
Genie zapped Iago, "I wasn't finished...uh...sky? Die...that's not very pleasant."  
  
Jasmine's eyes widened, "Your love will surely die?"  
  
Aladdin dropped the thingamajiggy, as if he'd just discovered something sticky and nasty on it. Abu and   
Iago, being the greedy creatures they are, both made a grab for it before it hit the ground. Needless to say the   
thingamajiggy was activated, magical light and stuff flashed around the room and all flaming hell broke  
loose.  
  
********  
Abu groaned and sat up. Something didn't feel quite right. He looked down.  
  
And promptly screamed.  
  
He was...human. How had this happened?, "How...?", he froze. Was that his voice? He tried again,   
"Aladdin? Iago? What happened?"  
  
Aladdin rushed over, "Abu...this is too strange. We think the thingamajiggy must've done this. Genie and   
Jasmine are looking through some old books to try to find a way to fix this. I'm going to join them...don't   
worry, we'll have everything back to normal in no time." With that he ran off to join the others in the   
library.  
  
Abu frowned. Aladdin hadn't mentioned Iago. He was sure Iago had grabbed the thingamajiggy right when   
he had, so where was he?  
  
A familiar voice called out, "Looks like it's just you and me, monkey-boy."  
  
Abu turned and gawked. Standing where the parrot Iago should've been standing, was a red haired man.   
His built was stocky but not overweight and he was dressed in an elaborate outfit, the kind that screams   
'I'm self-important, look at me!'. Abu was surprised to also see flecks of gray amongst all the gleaming red on   
top of his head.  
  
Iago shifted, uncomfortably, "Stop staring at me. It's creepy. Besides you look as weird as I do." He gestured   
towards a mirror on the far wall.  
  
Abu approached it cautiously. He wasn't sure he really wanted to see himself, but in the end, curiosity won  
out. It always did. He studied himself. He was tall...a little taller then Iago and considerable thinner. His   
hair and eyes were both a medium brown and his outfit...well it looked a lot like what Aladdin wore on   
adventures. He wondered idly if Aladdin had lent it to him. This, of course would mean he'd been naked   
when he transformed...and that meant Iago had been too. He blushed furiously at that thought.  
  
Iago frowned, "Don't be embarrassed monkey-boy. You don't look that bad...in fact, you look pretty good. For   
a human that is."  
  
Abu shook his head. Had Iago just given him a compliment? That was amazing but Abu felt the need to   
comment on something else, "I'm not a monkey."  
  
Iago shrugged, "Old habits die hard, monkey...Abu. So what are we supposed to do, while the Terrific Trio   
reads dusty old books?"  
  
Abu looked at him. He could think of lots of ways to pass the time, none of which he could see the former   
parrot agreeing to do, "I don't know. Just wait, I guess."  
  
Iago rolled his eyes and flopped down on the floor, "Ooh...fun city."  
  
Abu smiled slightly. Even in human form, Iago was still Iago. He was ever bit as loud, rude and sarcastic   
as ever. It was kind of comforting.  
  
Iago noticed him smiling at him, "What are you looking so happy about?"  
  
Abu grinned at him, "Nothing, just thinking about how you're as obnoxious now as you were as a parrot."  
  
Iago glared at him, "I can go elsewhere, you know."  
  
Abu's grin quickly faded, "No...I'm sorry. C'mon, it's not that bad. The others will find a way to reverse it,   
you'll see. Until then, we'll just have to make the best of it."  
  
Iago sighed, "It's not the reversal that concerns me...it's the inscription."  
  
Abu frowned, "The inscription? What about it?"  
  
"Think about it! What did it say?"  
  
"Uh...'Become another but stay the same and there your fate does lie..."  
  
"Right! Well we've become another...we're human...but we're still us. Inside we've stayed the same. So our   
fate lies in our new forms...or our own selves?"  
  
Abu shrugged, "I don't know. What about the rest?"  
  
Iago looked uncomfortable again, "Yeah..."  
  
Abu stared at his feet, "But be but warned to squander this, your love will surely die."  
  
Iago shook his head, "We're not positive it's die. Could be something else. Besides it doesn't apply to us, it   
was just a fluke we got it at the same time. Our love? What love? I mean isn't that the stupidest thing...you   
ever...heard?" He stopped and stared and the youngish man in front of him. Abu was trying to discreetly   
wipe the tears from his eyes, "Oh...Abu, I didn't mean it like...I mean...c'mon!"  
  
Abu sniffled, "You know, you're right. We mean nothing to each other. Nothing at all."  
  
Iago's face clouded, "I didn't say that! You're...my best friend. You're one of the few who understands me.   
Aladdin, Jasmine, Carpet, the Genie, they all just look down at me really. I mean they'd defend me and   
deep down they care about me, I guess...but you really try to be my friend. I'm stupid and let my big mouth   
get in the way...forgive me?"  
  
Abu looked at him, "Yeah...sure."  
  
Iago stomped his foot, "You liar! For a former thief you are the world's crappiest liar! You're still upset!   
What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"  
  
Abu embraced him and held on tight, "Just don't push me away."  
  
End of Part One  
  
Author's Note: Please do not take this seriously...flame me if you must but remember it's all in twisted good  
fun. And for the record yes I do think they make a cute couple  



	2. The Part After the First One

Disclaimer: I so don't own Aladdin, those delightful people over at Disney do. If you sue me you'll just look   
silly. So don't, kay?  
  
Warning: I'm a sick deranged weirdo and this is Abu/Iago slash.  
  
This part is dedicated to Not Again with much love.  
  
Note: This is not a lemon. I can't write lemons. If you want an Abu/Iago lemon write one yourself...and   
send it to me!  
  
************  
Iago froze in place, "Uh...look Abu, I think you're a little overemotional right now. Perfectly understandable  
given the circumstances. And if you'd just think rationally for a moment you'd realize that this is a really   
really bad idea."  
  
Abu leaned his head on Iago's shoulder and breathed in the expensive cologne, "You worry too much. You   
know that? C'mon it'll be fun."  
  
Iago blinked repeatedly, "Glad to see you're back to your normal strange self. What exactly are we supposed   
to tell the others if they wander in here?"  
  
Abu grinned, "Tell them to get their own." He took his head off Iago's shoulder and placed his face inches   
from the former parrot's, "Don't you want to do this?"  
  
Oh Iago wanted to, of course, but he also wanted to run, screaming away and forget this ever happened.   
The sane rational part of him would've pushed Abu to the ground and...no no no! That's not what the  
sane and rational part was supposed to do at all. He should leave. He should leave and go far away from   
Abu until everything was fixed. Yup, that's exactly what he should do and...why wasn't he moving??  
  
Abu noticed the complete immobility of his friend and started to get a little worried, "Iago? Hello. Are you   
in there?"  
  
Iago took in a huge gulp of air and shivered slightly. Abu went to pull away from him but the red haired   
man held on tight and buried his face in the younger man's neck. There was a tense moment of silence as   
they stood there holding each other. Finally Iago's voice broke that silence, "You reek of banana, you know   
that, monkey boy?"  
  
All the tension broke as Iago looked up to see Abu laughing in relief. The older man smiled at the sight.   
The former monkey was really quite handsome especially now. But this was insane. He couldn't...he  
shouldn't...ah the hell with it. He brought his head down and kissed him.  
  
Abu was shocked at the sudden forwardness of the other man. He had expected to have to push Iago more   
to do anything, but it looked like he had decided to take the initiative. The former monkey was surprised   
but not at all discouraged. He eagerly kissed back and allowed himself to be lowered to the floor. The kiss   
deepened as both tried to gain some sort of control over the situation. Finally Abu pulled away and started   
kissing down Iago's neck and slowly unfastening the expensive shirt the bigger man wore.  
  
Iago moaned softly, "Shouldn't...but...Abu, I've never...never...don't stop." He looked down to see Abu looking   
back up at him with concern on his face. "What? What happened?"  
  
Abu sat up, "You've never? Ever?"  
  
Iago frowned and got a defensive look, "Hey I grew up in a carnival in a cage, and then there was the   
whole mess with Jafar. Didn't give me a whole lot of opportunities to get some. I mean who was I supposed   
to mess around with? Jafar? Oh...yeah there's a good year's worth of nightmares right there." Something   
slowly dawned on Iago, "Hey wait where did you...?"  
  
Abu kissed him gently, "I didn't. I just supposed you had. You're older and you've been more places. I just   
assumed that you would've had more experience."  
  
Iago considered this, "So you've never...and now you want to...with me?"  
  
Abu nodded, "You seem surprised."  
  
Iago sat up, "Oh course I'm surprised. You're human now. You could have Aladdin."  
  
"Aladdin's engaged."  
  
"And if he wasn't?"  
  
Abu shook his head, "Aladdin and I are practically brothers...it wouldn't feel right."  
  
Iago looked uncertain, "And this does? This...here...now?"  
  
Abu smiled and took the other man by the shoulders, "Very right. But if you...if you want to back out of   
this....I understand."  
  
Iago leaned in closer and grinned, "Who am I to argue with prophecy?"   
  
Abu pulled Iago down towards him and was about to resume where they'd left off, when there was the   
sound of footsteps towards them. They looked at each other and quickly tried to look innocent. A hard task   
given the state of their clothing and flushed faces.  
  
Aladdin burst in, "Guys, we think we have the answer."  
  
Jasmine followed in behind him, "It was actually rather easy to find. Apparently this thingamajiggy isn't as   
rare and unknown as we thought."  
  
Genie appeared and dumped a huge pile of books on top of the flustered men, "It's everywhere. We'll have   
things back to the way they were in no time!"  
  
Iago frowned, "Back to the way they were…great."  
  
Abu sighed, "Yeah…fantastic."  
  
As the three researchers were congratulating each other and discussing just how they'd go about changing   
their former animal friends back to their normal selves, Carpet looked over at the topics of discussion. He   
noticed Iago's shirt and the miserable look on both their faces. He was starting to think there was more   
going on here then Iago and Abu were letting on.  
  
End Part Two  
  
Author's note: Yeah there's going to be a Part Three. Who'd have ever thought this would go on for this   
long? Ah well…see you next part.  



	3. A short interlude to show I'm not ignori...

Thingamiggies of Love and Weirdness Part 3  
  
Disclaimer: Aladdin is owned by people much saner then I.  
  
Warning: I'm not sane.  
  
Second warning: This part isn't that good or that long but I just wanted to write something.  
  
**********  
Iago sat down on the floor, "Well that's it, I guess. We'll be fixed and this won't even matter.  
That's just fantastic and mmmph." He stopped abruptly as Abu kissed him fiercly. He struggled  
away, "What are you doing? They'll be back any second!"  
  
Abu had a rather deranged look on his face as he tried to undress Iago, "I know that which is  
why you need to be quiet and hurry up!" He stopped abruptly as Iago started laughing, "And just  
what is so funny?"  
  
Iago struggled to calm down, "Be quiet and hurry up? I feel so cheap and used!"  
  
Abu sat dumbstruck for a second before he started to laugh too, "I haven't had a chance to use  
you! That was my point! We need to stall them. We should tell them something like...well you   
don't suppose we could tell them the truth?"  
  
Iago just laughed harder, "Oh yeah. 'No, that's alright guys we'll just stay human cause I'm in  
love with the monkey.' That'll go down well." He stopped laughing when he saw Abu's shocked face,  
"Did I say something wrong?"  
  
"You're in love with me?"  
  
"Oh! Well...I guess. I mean, I wasn't really thinking but yeah. Yeah I guess I am."  
  
Abu embraced him, "I love you too. Oh, Iago what are we going to do now?"  
  
"You mean about the others and the cure?"  
  
"No, I mean about the fact your stupid sappiness has completely killed the mood. Yes, I mean  
about the others!"  
  
Iago pulled away, "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should just tell the truth. I mean Al and Jasmine  
know about love and Genie's seen enough that he won't care."   
  
"And the rivers are made out of chocolate and marshmellow and we sleep on piles of gold every   
night."  
  
"Very funny."  
  
"Well c'mon! We can't tell them. They won't understand! We're two different species!"  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
"We're both male."  
  
"So we can wear each other's clothes."  
  
"Be serious."  
  
"You're right, I'd never wear your clothes. I mean what is up with that hat?"  
  
"What's wrong with my hat? And what is so funny!?"  
  
"Nothing. It's just, none of this matters. Look, if we tell them what's the worse that can  
happen?"  
  
Abu crossed his arms, "They can have us imprisoned and executed."  
  
Iago made a face, "Well that would suck. So we don't tell the whole truth. We'll just say we  
want to stay human. Then we can meet in private and nobody has to know."  
  
"I don't like keeping secrets from Aladdin."  
  
"Then we'll tell him!"  
  
"But then he'll tell Jasmine and Jasmine will tell the Sultan! And then the Sultan will probably  
tell the guards and they'll know and then they'll tell others and before you know it everyone on  
the whole planet knows!"  
  
"Or I could just beat you into a coma and then you won't have to tell anybody."  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"No, I wouldn't.", Iago leaned other to kiss Abu, "The prophecy must mean something. Maybe we  
can use that as a defense. Nothing happens by chance, Abu. There's a reason for everything and  
there's a reason for this. We'll figure it out. I promise we'll figure it out."  
  
Abu nodded and snuggled closer to the former parrot.  
  
Unnoticed by them both a concerned and sympathetic Carpet watched.  
  
Author note: Okay I know that was short but I mean it when I said I was stuck on a ending. I want  
to write an ending where everyone is excepting and loving but that's not too realistic. Then  
again, neither is this fic. But I'm leaving it up to you guys. Do you want a sappy happy ending?  
Should they stay human or go back to being animals? Wouldn't Carpet and Genie be kinda cute  
together? Er...just ignore that last question. 


End file.
